Funny isnt, it

[Fluffy]

We are always learning,i,m not ashamed to admit,i,ve learned alot from COL,whatever you may think,they are a very knowledgable site:) i,ve learned all the food basics,the what not,and what to give treats,the best stuff you can feed and not,after losing my boy,i,m doing the best i can to make sure,my girls have and benefit,from the best,i,m 44 and it,s still a learning curve for me :) Funny isn,t it,we always think we know it all,then bang,,something tells us we don,t! xx
The reason i wrote this post,is i,m so paranoid about my kids now,(my girls) i,m very very careful what i feed them,losing sir jasper is the very most worst thing that has ever happened to me,i have,and never will be the same,i feel such a failure,and i should have made sure he was ok.i did the best i could,but ,,it wasn,t enough,i,m not ashamed to say,i,m not over my boy,i can,t got over my boy,and i,,ll never get over my boy,life is awful,it,s grey,and dull,no music tone in anything i do,no,reason for smiling at folk in my chair,but,i,m learning to live with it,very slowly,albeit,very unsuccessfully xxxx

[MightyMouth]

I would say more successfully than unsuccessfully. Look how far you have come down this road. It is so hard and yet you are further down it than you were not long ago.

Sometimes with the best will in the world you cannot keep them safe or from harm mate. That is just the way it is. All you can do is learn and take that knowledge on to the next wee soul in your charge. I also learn a lot from COL, as a site cocker site it is the best for information and has helped me (and made me feel less of a failure) heaps of times.

You always did what you could with the tools you had at the time and that is all we can do as owners xxx

[Penelope]

Hey Fluffy - come on hun... you did everything you could for your gorgeous boy. You are much further down the road than me - I only lost Buffy just over 3 weeks ago, and I look to you for my inspiration cos you are doing really, really well....
Grieving takes time. You and I both feel awful at times, but we know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are further down it than I am and I am following you along the way...
I recently copied out some gorgeous poems about feelings when you lose your beloved dog and I look at them and cry a few tears, but then it helps.
There will always be a Jasper shaped hole in your heart. Gradually the edges will be less raw. They will blur a bit with time - but the hole will always be there.
Take care of yourself hun and don't beat yourself up - you did everything you could and you loved him, and I know he loved you.
He is at the bridge now taking care of Buffy for me and all the other cockers who went too soon.....
Blurry eyesight all of a sudden.
Come on hun - be good to yourself, cuddle your other dogs and cry when you need to.
You know we are all here and we really, seriously, honestly understand!!
Loads of love and hugs and thank you from my heart cos I do follow your threads and understand your feelings so much - this post sounds really crappy, but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.
xxxxx

[Fluffy]

Thanks sceryl xxxxx you know,i saw angie yesterday,and with all my control i thought i had,i went to pieces(sorry angie) i just couldnt,talk about my boy,withought crying,i,m never going to get over him,please tell me how to get through the days,please tell m e,not to get so stressed and worried over the kids i have left xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx it,s a learning curve i just can,t seem to jump over! xxx
I said to angie,i,m angry too,angry i,ve ,lost him,so so mad,it wasn,t enough time:062::062::062::062:

[Fluffy]

Penelope.i.m so sorry,that was selfish of me, loads of love to you babe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Penelope]

Hey behave - it was NOT selfish of you and I didn't want to make you feel like that.... I just wanted to say that you are doing really great and I completely understand where you are at (I have been there too many times in the past with my other dogs who have gone to the Bridge!!!)
Please don't feel like that.....
I just wanted to try and make you feel a tiny weeny bit better.
Hope I haven't upset you Fluffy???
I feel terrible now cos wanted to help you not make you feel worse. :069:

[Fluffy]

Hey behave - it was NOT selfish of you and I didn't want to make you feel like that.... I just wanted to say that you are doing really great and I completely understand where you are at (I have been there too many times in the past with my other dogs who have gone to the Bridge!!!)
Please don't feel like that.....
I just wanted to try and make you feel a tiny weeny bit better.
Hope I haven't upset you Fluffy???
I feel terrible now cos wanted to help you not make you feel worse. :069:
You could never upset me honeypie,luv ya too much,and know,.you know the score ...oi you,it,s one of them,i,m sorry,you is sorry,we is all sorry,and omg,don,t want to upset this,that ,or tha other lol s,okay babe i know xxxxx

[Meerkat]

Aww I love that the three of my friends are giving each other love

I have learnt loads from COL too

love and hugs to you all x x x

Life without a loved one whether cocker or another breed is hard, especially when we have lost them after they have given us unconditional love - we have all done everything we could for them, unfortunately sometimes that is not enough, but they will forever be in our hearts x x x

[speedyjaney]

I lost Jessiekaka on the 27/10/09....tomorrow is her year anniversary with being diagnosed with cancer....its my OH's bday and I have to admit I am dreading it!
My OH isnt sentimental so I dont think she has worked it out yet but I am so upset already I cant imagine celebrating her birthday....I cant believe that just a year ago we thought she had athritus.....tomorrow we found out she was dying and had to choose chemo or PTS!!

So Fluffy dont be hard on yourself....all of us who have lost doggy pal feel exactly as you do......I miss her every day and cry most days/nights too...my life just isnt and wont ever be the same!

Penelope - hugs for you too....3 weeks is a blink in time....gets better with time but never gets truely better!!

[Fluffy]

I lost Jessiekaka on the 27/10/09....tomorrow is her year anniversary with being diagnosed with cancer....its my OH's bday and I have to admit I am dreading it!
My OH isnt sentimental so I dont think she has worked it out yet but I am so upset already I cant imagine celebrating her birthday....I cant believe that just a year ago we thought she had athritus.....tomorrow we found out she was dying and had to choose chemo or PTS!!

So Fluffy dont be hard on yourself....all of us who have lost doggy pal feel exactly as you do......I miss her every day and cry most days/nights too...my life just isnt and wont ever be the same!

Penelope - hugs for you too....3 weeks is a blink in time....gets better with time but never gets truely better!!

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[Meerkat]

awww speedyjaney - loads of hugs to you too x x x

i lost Braan the day before OH birthday last year (so understand how hard this is for you ) x x x

[MightyMouth]

Aww Speedy......that is awful. Why not let the OH know how you feel? Big hugs to you xx

[terri]

aw speedyjayne..-big hugs to you..xxx

and Fluffy..don't be too hard on yourselfn sweetheart...your a fantastic mum to your furry babies..
when our babies become ill...this is out of our control..this is not down to us..we can nurse and love..but we are not god..
you done the one last act of love and kindness to sir Jasper..in freeing him from his pain...you have done fantastically well...and have come so far already..you have re opened your heart to a new baby..and will make new memories..the memories you made with sir Jasper..will never leave you..in your times of sadness and upset..and when you feel most low..sir Jasper..is right there by your side...and his paw is on your heart....

i know life and death in what i do..and loosing a puppy before your eyes...is heartbreaking...
my baby boy jarvis was an ill dog from 6 months of age..constantley back and forth to vets, put on drips ect..yet nothing showed up on blood tests ect..
until the last 5 days of his life..when we had gone from an upset tummy..to having new bloods done which showed his BUN creatine levels off of the ricker scale...i saw my baby boy loose control of his bladder..not being able to hold food or water down..even the drip he was put on the monkey decided to chew out..he was only a year and two months old..when he had to say goodbye to me his mum..i even now wish i could have one more day with him...
and i have to live with his final momnets...and feel so, so guilty to this day..
due to him chewing his drip..which they did'nt check for..they injected the huge does of anesthetic..as i held him..and he struggled in my arms...as some went in anbut most came out of where he chewed..the vet quickly ran out and came back armed with clippers to clip his other leg...and administer it..i repeated this over and over in my mind, as he gasped...i had tears the vets had tears..and i felt i had failed jarvis....and still do..he was far too young to leave me..and this is 7 years down the line..so i know how you are feeling..your journey is still a long journey..you will have good days and bad..there is no time frame..i still break down crying over my beautiful boy..but the pain lessens enough for us to function..and in time..while the pain never goes..it will become a more dull ache..
i've never said what i have before..and i'm seeing a fuzzy screen at present..
we are all here for you..and we are all feeling and sharring your pain..
in reality i have 10 heartaches ahead of me..not a nice thought...

just a day at a time sweetpea.....
loadsa love Fluff's...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[jean]

big huge hugs to you all. pepper is starting to age, shes nearly 14. Im crapping myself. liaths not far behind her either. Its the downside of owning dogs, they just dont live long enough xxx

[MightyMouth]

That is so true. It is awful watching them struggle with illness/disability/old age isn't it? Doesn't matter how many times you go through it either, it hits you hard every time :062:

[lisalh]

My two are both under 3 and yet I am already having nightmares over how I/we/they will cope with getting old. funny really as aging doesnt bother me in the slightest and yet my friends with pets are morbidly obsessed with the short lives of their animals and are trying to cram as much love and care into their lives as is possible.